Dani and I are on a quick weekend road trip to add three states to our list.
I’d always thought Orlando, and especially its International Drive (the old section) was the tacky capital of the universe, but I’d never been to the Wisconsin Dells. I’m nearly speechless at the colossal, all-consuming tackiness of the place. It’s so tacky its attraction is its very tackiness.
While International Drive is an embarrassment to Orlandoans, Dellers seem to revel in it. A watermark without a pyramid, coliseum, Trojan Horse of flying saucer would be a downright embarrassment. It’s a place where a family restaurant can advertise “Where size matters” and fit right in.
And as for culture, they got that to, in the form of museums. What vacationing family wouldn’t want to visit The Museum of Torture?
The Dells seems to be divided into two areas, the original Downtown, where things are a bit smaller and cuter, and the part that’s on the Interstate, where everything is GIGANTICALLY TACKY.
There are no bland buildings here, everything is outrageously themed. And the reason they need to be so huge is that most of the water parks are indoors. I was surprised by this, since I figured they were probably seasonal. But this is August. And this morning the temperature was 46 degrees!
As someone who wears loud Hawaiian shirts every day, I can appreciate tacky. I can even revel in it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Paul Bunyan’s for a Lumberjack Breakfast…
